Awakening

By Anurag Shantam
(With R. J. Doucette)
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The Spirit Center

The Spirit center is located in the solar plexus. When you experience a "gut reaction" that is your Spirit center reacting. The ego veil of darkness surrounding Spirit is fear. When you are anxious or fearful, if you are able to disengage from the fearful thoughts long enough, you will feel an uncomfortable sensation in the area of your stomach. What you are feeling is the veil. More accurately, you are feeling the physical manifestation of Spirit's light being transformed into darkness.

Spirit is inherently perfect. His essence, his spiritual quality, is trust. He unconditionally trusts the fear to protect him. While Soul is intuitive and illogical, Spirit prides himself on his logic and rationality. But when he is gripped by the ego veil of fear, his logic and rationality are the first casualties. The essential deception of ego fear - its message to Spirit - is that Spirit needs the fear to keep him safe. The fallacy of this ego deception is easily revealed by the simple question: If I need the fear to protect me and keep me safe, why do I feel the most unsafe of all when I am in it? How many times has ego fear removed you from what, in objective reality, is a perfectly safe environment, and transported you into an internal nightmare?

Just as over time the loving Soul establishes an unhealthy relationship with her pain veil, Spirit does the same with the fear veil. The fear veil becomes his most trusted companion. Just as the Soul veil doesn't really want her to love anyone but the pain, the fear veil doesn't allow Spirit to trust anyone. The fear veil cannot exist other than by consuming Spirit's light, which he unwittingly, unconditionally with his innocent trust, keeps fueling and sustaining.

The incalculable damage that fear does to you, to your relationship with self, is revealed by these simple questions: Do you fear love? That is, do you fear your Soul? Do you fear truth? That is, do you fear your God? Remember, the veils transform pure energy into something toxic and destructive. Thoughts generated by the veils, direct the toxic energy. For example - if you fear love, you are inundating your own soul with toxicity. You are lost in the fear veil, directing the fear energy at your Soul, and this looks rational and logical to Spirit.

So who exactly is this Spirit inside of you? He is the part of you that as a child trusted, was fascinated by, and wanted to be a part of the material world in a significant, meaningful way. He is the part who used to be idealistic, who used to believe in the concepts of truth, loyalty, honor, democracy, and more. Spirit received his rude awakening when he was initiated into the ego world of greed, lies, deception and the corruption of everything he formerly trusted. But I am not being entirely accurate when I use the phrase "formerly trusted". You see, the Spirit is the seat of unconditional trust. But as the ego veil of fear grew around him, it consumed his light and his trust, transforming it into the opposite - fear and mistrust of everything and everyone.

Spirit wants meaningful work in the world. He wants to take his place in creation and contribute in a meaningful way to his world. He seeks to create structure - home, business, job. Since his reality is the objective world around him, the creation of structure in that world is important to him. In his ego sleep, the deeper significance of need to structure, eludes him - that it is his job to provide a suitable structure to support the passage of the human Soul through this world of matter. But shackled by fear, Spirit never feels safe, and his natural impulse to provide structure becomes distorted into accumulating more things and services, in order to insure safety and keep the fear at bay. Those with monetary wealth know that you cannot purchase security. Unless cleared, the fear veil will continue to make Spirit feel inse-cure, even in the midst of obvious safety.

When you are in your Spirit center, surrounded by a veil of fear, you are still in a state of unconditional trust, but now you are unconditionally trusting the fear.
Let us approach this from a different direction. When you are in your Spirit center, surrounded by a veil of fear, you are still in a state of unconditional trust, but now you are unconditionally trusting the fear. That is, you are in a state of trusting the very thing that prevents you from trusting anyone outside of you. This fear won't even allow you to trust yourself. The ego structures and lifelong patterns growing out of your fear defends and justifies it, offering explanations for why fear is necessary. You are so sublimated by it that it all seems logical. Fear appears to be a defense that is protecting you. But if you look more closely, you will see that it is protecting itself - the ego illusion is defending its roots, the only place it is vulnerable.

You must be clear that the fear is not your friend, and it is not serving you. Reflect on what happens when fear grips you - takes you into your head, where over and over again, it plays the same fearful tapes it has played all your life. You have heard them a million times. I?m not good enough, rich enough, powerful enough, goodlooking enough, ad infinitum.

If the solution to fear could truly be found in the tapes, you would have solved your problems long ago. These fear tapes are familiar, but they are nothing but distractions. They run on the energy of your Spirit and cause you to spin your wheels. When you are in fear, something real is happening, but you do not see reality because the tapes in your head are distracting you with fearful thoughts. You must get out of your head and into reality. There are two watchers inside everyone. These watchers are referred to as the Witnesses. Spirit is one of the watchers. God is the other. By "watcher" I mean a certain quality of the masculine centers, the quality of detachment. You might have noticed yourself, maybe at party, slipping into a place of detachment where you find yourself not participating, but simply observing what is happening around you. You are physically present, but detached, observing, witnessing. You are in Spirit or in God, detached and simply watching. Soul cannot do this, for her nature is opposite. Her nature is feminine and connecting.

In order to clear the veils, you must cultivate the watcher, for this quality of detachment enables you to sever the flow of light to the veils, thereby dissolving them. Naturally, God is the more powerful watcher, but you cannot count on him - he may be too distracted by his anger to understand, much less begin, the journey home. Spirit can initiate the journey home anytime after you have had enough of being fearful and insecure. When you are sick of the crippled state that fear produces, you can get out of your fearful thoughts and into reality (an uncomfortable sensation) and simply watch. In that perfect detachment you are neither for nor against - and the adventure will begin.

Spirit abhors boredom, and there is no greater adventure than the exploration of the inner world that is called the journey home. Unlike activities in the material world, which offer little satisfaction or sense of accomplishment, the journey home, while having difficulties, rewards Spirit with a sense of meaningful accomplishment. Whether through selfish motivation, to save your Spirit/Soul, or altruistic, to save the world ... whatever your motivation, both goals will be fulfilled simultaneously, and you will have laid the groundwork for the awakening of God.

The Spirit center is the center from which friendship springs - not the deep intimate friendship that is Soul's domain, but "buddy" or "girlfriend" type friendship. These are the types of relationships where you enjoy someone's company, but prefer to keep joint activities light and playful. Spirit values his freedom and independence, and prefers to keep his relationships as free of serious entanglements as possible. Someone with a healthy Spirit center tends to be optimistic, playful, adventurous ... at times mischievous in a playful, as opposed to a hurtful, way.

In sexual relationships, Spirit is the part of you that likes to experiment, try new positions, make sex playful and fun. Spirit abhors boredom, as it is his nature to be inquisitive about life. He wants to explore and experience as much as possible. Where Soul is a homebody, Spirit has wanderlust. He is usually the athlete inside, who enjoys team sports that he can participate in with buddies. However, there are areas where the two masculine centers - God and Spirit - overlap, and team sports is one of those areas. Nevertheless, it is easy to distinguish which part is involved. Is the emphasis on teamwork and fun? If so, you are in your Spirit center. Or is the emphasis on competition, destroying the opponent at all cost? If this is the case, you are in your God center. Many athletic activities that used to be fun to Spirit have now been taken over by Gods. With the resulting anger and emphasis on money, enjoyment and fun disappears.

Spirit, far from being valued as in the past, has become, like Soul, just another commodity to be purchased, used and discarded.
Spirit is the loyal and dedicated worker inside. In the past, his loyalty and dedication were rewarded with praise, perks and security. All that seems to have vanished - for in today's work environments, there is little sense of accomplishement, little satisfaction in a job well done, and any sense of security is rapidly evaportating. To Spirit, work has become meaningless at best, punishing at worst. Spirit, far from being valued as in the past, has become, like Soul, just another commodity to be purchased, used and discarded. Most work environments today are Soul and Spirit deadening, destroyed by ego's heartless focus on efficiency and the bottom line. What keeps Spirit tied to his job is not an innate sense of accomplishment, but the veil of fear.

Spirit is the part of us that likes video and computer games - the active part. Soul likes the passive experience of television, and God is a student of news and politics. Soul and Spirit eschew such serious topics. After all, they think, I have no control and it just scares me (Spirit) or hurts me (Soul). One can clearly see the fallen God in action by watching political talk shows, where angry individual Gods shout at each other. Blinded by their own ideology, they cannot see any other point of view. Each God fights to impose His own truth upon all others.

Spirit is at times a people pleaser, the conciliator inside. Spirit believes in democracy, in talking things out and listening to other points of view. Sometimes this is done out of Spirit's inherent sense of fairness. More often, it is done to diffuse a situation that risks the emergence of some angry God. For in the ego state, Spirit fears God, who continues to terrify Spirit with His blind anger - dominating and controlling Spirit through fear.

Spirit is always seeking God?s approval, whether in parents, teachers, boss, friend or beloved. He is always seeking praise and affirmation from the God in others, even as he is doing so with his inner God. Unfortunately, as the ego darkness increases, God's praise and affirmation is replaced by punishment. Spirit perceives this as "dammed if do, damned if I don't". This is a correct perception, for God is damning and even if Spirit did everything perfectly and impeccably, he would still find himself damned.

Yet Spirit cannot help, consciously or unconsciously, trying to please God, for Spirit is seeking home. He is trying to heal the split with his inner God in order to become whole again. Unfortunately, the fear veil directs Spirit's attention outward. He seeks to propitiate the Gods of others, when the only God who matters, the only one who can really affirm Spirit, is the God within. Ironically, it takes only a fraction of the energy he wastes on external Gods, to heal the inner dysfunctional family forever - to awaken, and restore Eden.

This adventure is a quest that has a shining prince (Spirit) and an innocent beautiful princess who must to be rescued (Soul).
Since Spirit is also the adventurer inside, I would like to invite him on an adventure to end all adventures. Once having completed it, all others will pale in comparison. This adventure will cost nothing, unlike marketed adventures promoted by the travel industry. You won't have to give anything up, though much baggage will be willingly discarded on this adventure. Unlike the pseudo adventures marketed by the ego, this adventure will at times be edgy - seeming to push the envelope - and will have challenges, victories and defeats. It will be an adventure cosmic in scale, but at the same time very human and ordinary. It will have extraordinary highs and extraordinary lows. Nothing need outwardly change in your life, though life being what it is, change is inevitable.

This adventure is a quest that has a shining prince (Spirit) and an innocent beautiful princess who must to be rescued (Soul). The prince faces challenges that he overcomes with effort and perseverance, and after overcoming each one he is rewarded with increased powers to help him overcome obstacles ahead. The outcome of this great quest is assured, but Spirit won't know until the end that his success was inevitable from the start. A Master once said of this adventure, "Best not to begin. Once begun, best to finish it." A curious invitation indeed - one that may cause Spirit to tremble as he begins his adventure, but will bring a knowing smile to his lips upon its completion. When I say completion, I mean of course the end of one adventure, and the beginning of another.

At the end of the quest, which has been full of struggle, honor, dedication to an ideal, and the rescue of an innocent maiden from evil - what happens next? The adventure I refer to is the adventure within - the quest of Spirit, who overcomes his fear in order to rescue Soul from her painful imprisonment. Storytellers tell us that in the fairytale the prince and his princess live happily ever after. I echo these words. Spirit and Soul will also live happily ever after.

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