Awakening

By Anurag Shantam
(With R. J. Doucette)
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contents
Anurag's bio

Passing Through the Veils

As you contemplate the journey home, the first obstacle that you will encounter is the ego fear of change. How will your life change? What are you likely to lose? Obviously, life will change after you have awakened. But life will also change if you do not awaken, for change is the only constant in life. The great difference will be in the quality and direction of that change. In the ego world, change tends to be circular. The settings and costumes change in the story of your life, but the play remains the same, since the ego patterns directing it remain the same. Outwardly things may look different, but inwardly everything feels the same. After beginning to awaken, everything is different. You will no longer be moving in a circle, but spiraling inward, dissolving patterns as you move towards your true centers – Soul, Spirit and God. Outwardly all can remain the same, but the inward experience of life begins to change dramatically.

There are no prerequisites to begin your journey. There is nothing to deny or renounce, and nothing new to embrace. All that you need to know is within you, and meditation alone is enough to lead you to it. You do not even need to believe in God, Soul or Spirit. I use God, Soul and Spirit because they are the original identities given to one consciousness that has been divided and separated into three. As such, they are the deepest, most powerful identities in us, and to become aware of them is to light a beacon deep within that will guide you home. They are the gates to oneness – the gates to Paradise – the gates to home. Yet even God, Soul and Spirit are part of life’s illusion, and if you are successful in awakening, they will be revealed as such.

The only change that is necessary to begin and safely navigate the journey home is a fundamental change in your relationship with the veils.
The only change that is necessary to begin and safely navigate the journey home is a fundamental change in your relationship with the veils. You must be absolutely clear that fear, pain and anger are not your friends or trusted advisors. They are the opposite - the very enemies of life itself. The change that transforms everything is to accept pain and fear as the realities they are – that is, as uncomfortable physical sensations in your body. Instead of getting lost in them, spinning in circles and searching for some elusive meaning or lesson that they are supposed to be teaching, you must learn to recognize and observe them. You must begin to watch these sensations whenever they are present. This change in your relationship to the pain and fear veils will ignite the process of awakening and open all doors to the treasure within.

The concept of watching is very difficult to convey, though once you ‘get it’ it is obvious. Suppose you have a paper cut on your hand. The sensation it produces immediately draws your awareness to it, as it should. The sensation makes you aware that something is wrong and requires action. Perhaps you put a bandage on the cut and resume your activities. You are aware from time to time of the injury when your awareness is drawn back by the sensation. Are you the sensation, or are you the one aware of it? In other words, do you become totally identified with the cut, as though the totality of you is the cut? Or are you somewhat detached – aware of and observing the sensation present in your physical body? The veils are merely uncomfortable sensations present in your physical body. The only difference between the veils and the paper cut is that you become them totally, and get lost in the ego mythology about them generated in your mind by the sensations. You are aware of your thoughts about the sensations, rather than the sensations themselves.

To watch these veils is to become aware of the actual sensation we label pain, the actual sensation we label fear. To watch them is to observe them with detachment, neither for nor against – to observe them with the detachment of a scientist, as very curious, uncomfortable physical sensations. This is what I mean by watching.

If you want to succeed, the process of awakening must be placed first on your list of life priorities. With the information contained in this book, any individual with sufficient motivation can awaken. Those things that are not in this narrative will be revealed to you on the journey, as you need them. Because every ego is different, each individual path home is also different, and it is impossible to anticipate all contingencies. Some individual Gods, those who are very controlling about everything, including their spiritual journey, will insist on doing it their way, with no outside assistance. To me, this is very hard and punishing. But it is not up to me to question the wisdom of a fallen God. Ultimately, however you do it, it will mysteriously be revealed as the perfect way - the only way for you, no matter how hard it may appear to others. The most important thing is to follow your intuition (Soul) in all matters concerning your journey.

If you want to succeed, the process of awakening must be placed first on your list of life priorities.
Despite having said this, I do not recommend undertaking the journey alone. The best and most auspicious approach is to work with a guide, one who has already awakened – one who has navigated the ego labyrinth and knows the way home. Such a guide knows that the ego is cunning and will want to distract you and derail the process. Such a guide will be aware of the hidden ego desire to become enlightened, may even feed it in the beginning to help you get going on the journey, only to starve it at the end. For the ego cannot be enlightened. But there are places on the journey where the ego will believe it has attained enlightenment, and the closer you get to your goal, the greater the danger.

As you awaken you become more powerful, as whatever remains of the ego dies. But the ego, even while it is dissolving, continues to reform and re-create identities. The time of greatest danger is when you are in the spiritual ego identity - when you are clear and awake enough to mask and control the remaining ego corruption. In this spiritual identity you may believe yourself enlightened. You may have a practiced serenity and balance, perhaps a façade of holiness. You believe you are spiritual and enlightened, but you don’t yet know. Doubt lingers like a shadow, and will serve you well. For this spiritual identity, like other ego identities, sets you apart and above other mortals. Thus you are still in the duality of good and evil. The ego will want you to stop at this point, as though saying to you, this state is better than anything you have known – why risk disturbing it – why go further?

True enlightenment is very natural and ordinary – you might say that it is ‘extraordinarily ordinary’.
You must successfully transcend this spiritual identity and slip into what I refer to as is-ness. True enlightenment is very natural and ordinary – you might say that it is ‘extraordinarily ordinary’. Is-ness refers to this quality of ordinariness. If you feel special and above others, then you are not yet home. An awakened guide will keep an eye on your progress, point out ego distractions, affirm the rightness of your path, and pull you back if you begin to slide into the spiritual ego identity.

Unfortunately, awakened guides are uncommon, and sometimes difficult to recognize among the myriad ego beliefs and confusion surrounding the concept of spirituality. However, your Soul, depending on her clarity and your trust of her, should know the right guide when he appears. If you seriously want to undertake this journey, and an awakened guide is not available, I recommend finding a few like-minded individuals and forming an ‘awakening group’. In the absence of an individual awakened guide, from the beginning of the journey to the first breakthrough, which is Eden Consciousness, such a group is the safest, fastest, and most effective alternative. This should be a small working group, preferably with an odd number of participants, rather than a large discussion-type group.

Such groups should meet regularly – at least once a week – utilizing whatever tools and therapeutic techniques, however unorthodox, that members feel comfortable with. Serious work should be balanced with meditative tools such as the Tarot, which are not only fun, but which also encourage the development of intuitive skills. A distinct advantage of group work is that when one or more participants wanders off the path, lost in ego darkness, the others are still on the path, and can offer reassurance, clarity and support. The smaller the group, the more intense will be the processing of the ego veils and the attendant ego patterns, beliefs, and defenses.

As you move through the ego layers, you will be moving through and dissolving your own inner madness. Because this process can become very difficult, it is beneficial to have regular contact with others on the path. Companions who are on the same journey will give you the support and encouragement that will be sorely lacking in the ego dominated world. This companionship is most crucial from the beginning of your journey until you reach Eden Consciousness, the point at which your Soul and Spirit are both awake. Until you achieve this breakthrough, you will be journeying without benefit of clear centers of consciousness. You will be moving through darkness with only your intuition as an inner compass. Once you attain Eden Consciousness, you begin to enter the world of God. In awakening God, you begin to move alone, even if you are participating in a group. Every individual moves alone through the awakening of God - it is simply the nature of this part of the journey.

Intuition is the inner compass that points the way home, and intuition is seated in the human Soul.
Soul is the most important center of consciousness for the journey. As I have already mentioned, intuition is the inner compass that points the way home, and intuition is seated in the human Soul. It is impossible to find the way back home without Soul, for how can one navigate through the ego illusion without a navigator – without someone who is able to intuit the rightness of choices, feel the correctness of the direction taken, and help when logical outward signs confuse or contradict the rightness of the path. The path to enlightenment is unique for every individual, and though each person may share with others the commonality of awakening the centers, each individual journey or experience as these centers awaken, is unique.

Spirit and God are not intuitive. Both being masculine, they have a natural inclination to trust in what is objectively seen. Both have a natural tendency to trust logic and rationality, and experience and move through life in a linear way. While Soul’s qualities are not valued in the material world, her seeing (intuition) becomes essential for navigating through the labyrinth of ego illusion to regain God’s truth. While the path leads backwards from omega to alpha, it does not do so in a direct, linear path.

Ego will present many distractions along the way. This is inevitable, and will ultimately be seen as ‘perfect’. To the seeker, however, these distractions will cause confusion, doubt and conflict. Am I proceeding correctly, or have I left the path? Outwardly, as long as Spirit and God are watching the sensations when they appear, they are doing all they can do. Objective reality may appear better or worse, but for God especially, it will never look perfect (the way it should). Inwardly however, one accesses a subtler reality - namely, How does it feel? In other words, many times on the journey, objective reality will not seem to mirror spiritual growth, and confusion and doubt will naturally arise. This is usually the result of existing spiritual beliefs that have not yet been cleared.

At this point one must ask of Soul, This doesn’t seem right - how does it feel to you? In asking this of Soul, you must allow her to answer in her own language – for everything in the Soul center is simpler, including language. Soul may answer that objectively she agrees with God and Spirit that somehow things do not look right. Subjectively though, the situation may feel right to her. She will probably be unable to explain in a logical, rational way how this could be so. All Soul can know or intuit is the rightness of the moment. To pressure her to supply a logical rationale for why some illogical situation might be perfect, is to dishonor her, discourage her – and to shut down one’s intuitive link to existence.

Soul also supplies a moral compass for the journey, tempering the destructive urges of God when He is caught in the anger veil. Soul is most important in the passage from Eden Consciousness to God Consciousness, and God will be well rewarded for liberating Soul from her veil of pain. Later in the journey, with the value of hindsight, God in His increasing wisdom, can more logically fit together the seemingly illogical puzzle of awakening.

Ego, though powerful, can never be more powerful than the one creating it.
To begin any journey, you must start from where you are. Everyone contains all three centers of consciousness, but one center will seem more prevalent in your life, more comfortable. Whichever center is the most prevalent will tend to be the entry point into the awakening process. For instance, if the primary tone of your life is a heaviness of heart, loneliness, and the need to love and be loved, then you are probably spending most of your life in your Soul center. If your thoughts are sentimental and nostalgic, focused on being connected or disconnected, your work will begin with the pain veil. If you are a fearful, anxious person, constantly trying to please others, doing things to earn the approval of others - if your thoughts and feelings are projecting you into an insecure future - if you are aware of postponing the fun of life to gain a more secure future – then you are experiencing life through your Spirit center. The entry point of your journey will be the fear veil.

If you are an angry person, then you are experiencing life through your God center, and your journey will begin with the veil of anger. To begin from the God center is the most difficult and dangerous start. In my own experience, those who are stuck in their God centers rarely awaken. There are many reasons for this, but the most powerful is that blinding beliefs are held by God, and nourished and sustained by the veil of anger. If those beliefs revolve around religion, anything you say or suggest will push the anger button, as though you are attacking God’s concept of Himself and of His world. Once God is captured by the anger, nothing will be heard - nothing will penetrate His shield of anger. People who experience life through their God center will always challenge the Master, fighting as though the Master is the enemy. To work with such people is a waste of time and energy, for if God resists the Master’s teaching, it becomes the will of that individual God to remain asleep. If it is your God's will to remain asleep, then Buddha himself cannot awaken Him.

There is another reason that it so difficult to begin the journey in the God center. His is the most powerful center, where you have the illusion of control, and where fear and pain do not exist. For a God-centered person to think of moving into a place of vulnerability (Soul) or indecisiveness (Sprit) is anathema. Such a shift is simply not likely to happen, unless existence deems it is time for God to return home, and delivers a blow that shatters the false ego center created by anger, plunging the individual suddenly into the other centers and making him aware that he still has a Soul that can hurt and a Spirit that can fear. Otherwise, embarking on a journey with a God who demands total control of His path is generally a path to nowhere … or to the kind of blind ideology that is ravishing creation.

If, however, God has attained partial clarity, where some of the anger veil has been dissolved in this or a previous life, then to begin in God could be the most auspicious. It is all about the veil. The mathematics are simple: more anger, less God; less anger, more God; more anger, less truth, perception, and creativity; less anger, more availability and openness to truth.

Ego, though powerful, can never be more powerful than the one creating it.
Such a God will be able to begin the journey open to the possibility that is the Master’s teaching. He will not necessarily totally grasp or understand it, but it will have the ring of truth deep inside. God cannot know the truth of it until He is awake, so in the beginning a leap of faith is required. If such a God takes this leap, his success is already assured, for if it is the will of your God that you awaken from the ego nightmare, nothing – no obstacle that ego can put in God’s path - can deter Him from ultimate success. Ego, though powerful, can never be more powerful than the one creating it. However, for God to succeed in a balanced awakening, it is imperative that He focus on His children – Soul and Spirit.

Though I have not seen the God center awaken without first laying the foundation of Soul and Spirit awakening, I can imagine the possibility of the phenomenon. It would seem a dangerous awakening, for God would lack the stability and balance provided by the awakening of the Soul and Spirit centers. If successful, the journey would produce a partial enlightenment – one that is very dry, serious and hard – devoid of love and respect, both for self and others. Therefore, it is best to begin the journey with the Soul and Spirit centers where the awakening process is organic and logical, rather than powerful and volatile, as it is in God’s awakening. To enter God’s awakening with Soul and Spirit awake, is to enter with clarity, balance and stability inside, thereby assuring that your passage through God will be as safe and stable as possible.

As I have noted, to begin the journey, to ignite the process of awakening, contact with someone who has already awakened is naturally best, for even with brief contact an initiation can occur - a subtle, mysterious transmission of light from one center to another. It will be as if a flame has jumped from the awakened one to your very center, reactivating a homing beacon that draws you inward and provides light to guide you home. This is a mysterious transmission, one that is difficult to describe, but for the journey home, it is an invaluable gift. Absent this possibility, you must ignite the process on your own. To do this, clear intent is essential, so you must first be in right frame of mind. Spend time contemplating the journey. Fears will naturally arise, as will sadness, as Soul contemplates what might be lost, not to mention God’s angst, for implicit in undertaking the journey is recognition that the way He has structured and controlled your life has failed. Admitting failure is not His strong point.

But if ego controls your life, God cannot succeed. You must remember that to succeed in fulfilling ego dreams is to fail at life, for they are still ego dreams.
Expect your three centers of consciousness to experience periods of doubt and indecision as they contemplate undertaking the journey. Wait until there seems to be consensus inside – until you thoroughly understand that life as you are living it is not working for you. Wait for the moment of clarity when all parts of you seem to be in agreement, when you are ready to leap into the unknown. In that moment, when your consciousness seems most unified and focused, send your clear intent to existence that you are ready to awaken, to begin the journey home. Do this in any way that feels right to you. Direct your intent to existence, the universe, to God, to a Goddess, to your higher power – however you conceptualize that elusive mystery, that something out there. Once you have delivered clear intent to journey home, your journey has begun. Now you must be alert, and trust whatever higher power you believe in, for trust will now become all important.

No one likes to be in fear or pain, but to live in the ego world is to periodically be in these states.
No one likes to be in fear or pain, but to live in the ego world is to periodically be in these states. All the time that you are hurting, the ego is being nourished, feeding off of your life. Every time you are in fear, ego is feeding. Every time you are in anger, ego feasts. Just as fear and pain are givens in the ego experience, so too are all the patterns used to control, distance, and distract you from what you are experiencing. Yet to clear these veils, you must be in them. Hence, the first paradox encountered on your journey. In awakening, you will experience things becoming worse before getting better. The reason for this relates to the first two veils – pain and fear. The ego is constantly directing your awareness away from the veils. To do so looks logical, for no one wants to be in fear or pain. But what existence does is hit your pain and fear buttons, and this is perceived as being very punishing. You ask yourself – I am a spiritual person desirous of moving into the light, so why is existence being so hard on me?

The answer is simple. You cannot clear a veil when your awareness is constantly distracted elsewhere – usually to the tapes playing in your head, where you hear fear and pain replaying their tales of woe. So if you feel that existence is being hard on you, you must instead become aware of the reality of what is occurring. That reality is a very uncomfortable physical sensation in area of the heart (Soul, which experiences pain) or the solar plexus (Spirit, which experiences fear). Existence will tend to trigger the fear and pain buttons until each sensation is strong enough for you to notice. Remember, all the power of ego, all the power of your past, will be distracting you on your journey, trying to get you lost in the familiar pain and fear messages that you’ve heard all of your life.

Existence is not punishing you – it is trying to make you aware of intense physical sensations. Period. Without becoming aware of these sensations, you have no hope of clearing them. Once you have become aware of the pain as a physical sensation, the fear as physical sensation, then you are ready to begin the meditation that will clear the pain and fear veils. Each time a pain or fear button is pushed, be alert. Instantly you will be drawn into your head, where you will get lost, as always. But something new will begin to occur - a voice will tell you that you are experiencing an uncomfortable sensation, and you will be drawn to the bodily sensation. Do not fight the sensation, or try to control it. The objective is to withdraw your energy from it, and to fight or attempt to control the sensation is to connect to it. Both strategies will be supported by the ego. Instead, detach from the sensation, and watch for as long as you can.

Beginning is the hardest part. At first you may be able to watch for only a few seconds before getting lost again in the ego tapes playing in your head. You don’t get it. You aren’t doing it right. You aren’t good enough. It won’t work. Endless messages to distract and discourage you. Then a voice will remind you that you are simply watching a sensation, and your awareness will be drawn back to reality - an uncomfortable, physical reality. This time you will be able to watch a little longer before slipping back into your head - and once again, a voice will remind you of the sensation. Each time you return to your vigil, you will be able to watch the sensation for a longer period before being distracted. Do not get discouraged, for with practice, you will become adept at this meditation.

Once you master the meditation – that is, once you become adept at seeing the sensation as being separate from yourself and can separate at will from it - you will find yourself able to watch it anywhere, for any length of time, whenever the veils are triggered.
It is best to begin the meditation sitting alone - comfortable, quiet, and with as few distractions as possible. Once you master the meditation – that is, once you become adept at seeing the sensation as being separate from yourself and can separate at will from it - you will find yourself able to watch it anywhere, for any length of time, whenever the veils are triggered. As an adept, you will be able to start clearing a sensation the moment any veil is triggered - the moment your fear or pain buttons are pushed. The most auspicious time for meditating is at night, when you can clear many layers of veil. I refer to those nights when you lie awake gripped by fear or pain. If you have such nights, you know from experience that you will not get much sleep, so begin your meditation and watch as layer after layer of the veils dissolve.

Once you enter the veils and begin to clear them, you will notice a few things. First, the sensation will intensify as you watch it, then will abate, then will begin to intensify again. This is because the veils are layered. As you move into a layer, the sensation will intensify. As you move through it, the sensation will begin to abate. As you move into the next layer, the sensation will again intensify. If you find that you need to stop the meditation, always stop between layers, when the sensation seems to have abated. Unless it is absolutely necessary, do not stop when the sensation is at its most intense. If you do, you will be in the intensity for hours, and it will be most uncomfortable.

You will also notice that the sensations seem to move within the area that you are watching, and that they also move from veil to veil. In other words, if you watch the pain sensation around your heart area, you will find the sensation moving to fear, which is in the stomach area. Once you are in the process of awakening, the sensations will move back and forth between these two centers for they must be cleared together. You cannot awaken Soul without also awakening Spirit, for Spirit must be ready to take care of Soul once she is back.

The sensations will change many times as you penetrate and clear the veils. They can become very intense, particularly around the heart, varying from a sharp pain to a dull heavy sensation. Many experience a place in the pain veil where the sensation feels almost like a knife plunged into the heart. I only wish to inform and prepare you that some of these sensations – particularly those deep in the veils, can be very intense. After you become familiar with the meditation, you will develop an intuitive knowledge of which sensations are caused by the veils, and which are physical sensations that may indicate a condition requiring medical attention. Always trust your awareness – it will inevitably be drawn to the sensation that needs to be watched, even as ego tries to confuse or distract you.

Once you enter the veils and begin processing through meditation, it is best to continue clearing till there are no more sensations emerging. If you stop meditating before the veils are cleared, you will thereafter feel as if you are living closer to them, experiencing pain and fear more intensely. This is because once you begin the process of clearing the veils, you become more aware of them, and thus they become more accessible. Remember - when it comes to clearing the veils, “Once begun, best to finish”.

Remember - when it comes to clearing the veils, “Once begun, best to finish”.
How long will it take to clear these veils? It depends on several variables. How determined are you to end your suffering? How attached are you to your pain and fear? Ultimately, the process of awakening is an interaction between you and your determination to be free, and Existence - which will, in its mysterious inimitable way, lead you home. You may be impatient, determined to awaken swiftly. Nevertheless, Existence may set a slower pace, for the faster the awakening, the more intense the experience. When it comes to awakening, Existence will have her way. When you complete your journey and look back on it, you will see that she did know best, and that your awakening unfolded perfectly for you.

Some clear the fear and pain veils in a matter of a few months of entering them. These people have both determination and minimal obligations in the material world. They also have appropriate guidance. Such people enter the veils and do not stop clearing until the process is complete. Though they complete the process remarkably fast, these months are also very dark. For these veils are the very essence of ego darkness, and to move in and through them so quickly is to move through the very heart of darkness with only faith and trust that there is light at the end of the tunnel.

Some take years to clear the first two veils. These people usually have families that require expending energy and responsibility. Existence moves these people through the veils more slowly, marshaling the human energy and wherewithal that it takes to simultaneously tend to responsibilities in the world and to awaken.

Nevertheless, with sufficient motivation and the support of Existence, one should be able to clear the majority of the pain and fear veils within a year. This is a very individual journey, and while I hesitate to put a timeline to it, I also want to convey the possibility that you can clear your pain and fear forever in a relatively short period of time.

Once through these two veils you enter a new world, the world of Eden Consciousness. Before this point you will always have doubts. You will ask yourself: Is this path real? Am I getting anywhere? Have I been tricked? Only after clearing the fear and pain veils will you know that something real has happened – that something fundamental has changed. You are in a new world, and there is no going back. Nor will you want to. You will feel a new sensitivity and innocence that will vary in intensity, depending on whether your passage through the veils was rapid or slow. If it was rapid and intense, Existence will give you a breather so you can adjust to the newness. In clearing these two veils, light or consciousness has been liberated. Time will be required to stabilize this new consciousness, and to experience and explore its nature.

If another person does not feel good to her, Soul will automatically disappear, to be instantly replaced by the more detached Spirit, who offers her a natural protection from the toxic energy emitted by the ego
Though two parts of you will have returned to a state of innocence - innocent love (Soul), and innocent trust (Spirit) - you will awaken into a world still shrouded in darkness, one that neither recognizes nor understands innocence. Liberated Souls and Spirits that no longer march to the drumbeat of should perplex and exasperate those still in ego darkness. Soul, no longer compelled to connect to people out of a sense of should, begins to connect when it feels right to do so. If another person does not feel good to her, Soul will automatically disappear, to be instantly replaced by the more detached Spirit, who offers her a natural protection from the toxic energy emitted by the ego.

To some, with whom Soul previously connected, she will now be absent if their energy is toxic. If the ego energy is too toxic, Soul will be unable to be present to it, and if she is not there it is impossible for love and caring to be there. Without the ego veils it becomes increasingly difficult to even pretend, for false ego masks and patterns dissolve with the veils. Quite simply, if the environment is not nurturing and supportive for Soul, she will not be there. Spirit will be there, and his quality of detachment will offer protection as you move through the world.

You might think that awakening puts you in a perilous position – innocence in a world of sharks - but it is not what ego fear would have you imagine. For one thing, even though you have returned to innocence, more loving and trusting than you have been since childhood, you are still an adult, with enough adult experience to enable you to navigate in the world. There is also an increasing presence of God in your life, and God is anything but innocent. For with the safe deliverance of His children – Soul and Spirit – God, if he has not already done so, begins to appear. As He must, He begins to awaken and protect his creations, and take his rightful place in the world.

Once stabilized in Eden Consciousness, you will begin to move to the next state, which is God Consciousness. In this state, God has awakened from the ancient veil of anger and is conscious of who He really is. He is God. The God center is so powerful and volatile that you will need the clear and stable foundation of an awakened Soul and Spirit to move through this stage safely. Once awakened, these two centers provide the clarity and stability that enables God to awaken from His ancient nightmare of anger, jealousy and revenge with a minimum of damage to Himself and others. Caught in the anger veil, there are no limits to His imaginings of malice. You may notice in the anger veil that you have outrageous fantasies of perfect revenge, or of greatness and grandeur. At times these fantasies are alternately abhorrent to Soul and scary to Spirit. These feelings go to the very nature of God. He contains all potentiality - hence there is no end to His imagination. It is a testament to His essential goodness that most of His angry imaginings go unfulfilled.

For those who are in denial of their anger – of their God center – it is shocking to discover not only the anger hidden inside, but also the depth of it.
In some people God is hidden behind a mask of equanimity. For those with such a hidden God, after reaching Eden Consciousness, He begins to appear. After enjoying the clarity, peace and gentleness of the awakened Soul, it will be a shock to have the angry one suddenly begin appearing. For those who are in denial of their anger – of their God center – it is shocking to discover not only the anger hidden inside, but also the depth of it. They will feel enlightened one moment, and plunged into the ugly darkness of the anger veil the next moment. There will be an intense contrast between the clarity and delight of the liberated Spirit and Soul centers, and the darkness of the anger veil in the God center. If your God is hidden, however disquieting it is to find yourself moving in and out of anger, such an experience is both timely and necessary. Having awakened Soul and Spirit and reclaimed peace and harmony, you will not want your new state disturbed – and God is a great disturbance. Yet, however disturbing, whenever God appears is the perfect time for you. However much you may resist, it will be time to clear the anger veil, and like the two that preceded it, you cannot clear the anger veil without being in it. So with the emergence of God you will find your God flaring into anger.

Now you begin the passage from Eden Consciousness to God Consciousness. The anger veil is cleared differently than the Soul and Spirit veils, for the God center is located in the third eye, in the area of the forehead, and there is no sensation to watch. The toxicity of the anger veil produces a sensation, but it tends to follow, rather than accompany episodes of anger. The sensations produced by the anger veil are headaches, and if you spend a lot of time in your angry God center, you will experience them often. In your passage through God, expect headaches following episodes of anger. Though there is no sensation to watch during this passage, the technique of detaching from the anger veil – withholding light and energy from it - remains the same.

Without a physical sensation to focus on and detach from, how does God clear this veil? You must remember two things. First, He is God, with all that this implies. Second, two parts of God, Soul and Spirit, are clear and awake at this point - and though they have been held in conflict and separation for so long, they have always been part of the one God. While God may be blinded in His third eye by anger, He can still see clearly through two eyes – no longer blinded by pain (the veil surrounding Soul) or fear (the veil surrounding Spirit). This is the key to the awakening of God.

When God stops nourishing the anger veil, it dies.
When God begins awakening He will appear more frequently, angry and blaming within and without, according to the familiar patterning of your own inner God. Initially He is blinded and deafened by anger, as He has always been. But then something new begins to appear. It will seem as if He is caught in the anger one moment, and the next moment as if He is standing outside of Himself, witnessing Himself caught in the anger. When God is simultaneously caught in anger and witnessing Himself, it is the beginning of the end of the anger veil, for every moment He is separate from and witnessing the anger, he is detached from the veil. His light is withdrawn from the veil. At this point, like the pain and fear veils, the anger veil begins dissolving layer by layer. The key with the anger veil is awareness. As God becomes aware of how ugly anger makes Him look, sound, think and feel, the less attached He will be to it. The more He separates from it, the less light and energy it receives from Him. When God stops nourishing the anger veil, it dies.

The passage through God tends to be lengthy for several reasons. The anger veil is more ancient than the pain and fear veils. It also leads into the final veil, the mother or serpent veil. The serpent veil begins to appear about halfway through the process of clearing the anger veil. As God awakens, He becomes aware of this final veil. At this point you will find yourself clearing two veils in tandem. One is masculine (anger), and one is feminine (other – or serpent). The clearing of both veils simultaneously is the second alchemical marriage – the merging and harmonizing of masculine and feminine - of God and Existence.

Through this difficult passage you will find that the trust liberated from the fear veil not only serves you well, but deepens as God's illusionary control over life dissolves with the veil of anger. More and more God is called to trust in Existence for His deliverance. With growing awareness He sees the true nature of the anger – its mindlessness, cruelty and deceptiveness. And yet, not being fully awake, not yet back on His throne, He worries what life will be like without this ancient advisor. Without anger, where will be His passion? Without anger, how will He function? The answer is that He will function better than ever – but during the dark passage, He will not know this. All He will have to keep Him on course is the trust that will both deepen and strengthen.

Alas - poor Soul, newly liberated, sensitive, tender and delicate, seems to disappear with the awakening of God. It is one of the hallmarks of this passage, that having reclaimed Soul, you seem to lose her again. During this passage you will develop a deep appreciation of her, and will long for her to return. But when anger is present, the energy is far too toxic for Soul to be present. So during much of the awakening of God, do not expect to see much of her. Not to worry – she will be waiting at the end of the dark tunnel to welcome God with a loving embrace.

Do not be surprised to find yourself surrounded by other angry Gods during this passage, for whom better to trigger an angry God than another angry God? Remember, in order to clear a veil, you must be in it, and as with previous veils, your whole ego experience is to deny, repress, or express “appropriately” the ugliness that is the veil. This passage is especially troubling to spiritual people, particularly if their spiritual belief systems affirm the qualities of Soul (love and gentleness) and Spirit (fairness and good works). The result will be denial of anger, which is denial of God. Such people tend to find angry Gods appearing in their midst to provoke the ugliness hidden within them.

If your God has been hiding inside, He will now appear to protect the newly awakened twins.
If your God has been hiding inside, He will now appear to protect the newly awakened twins. Naturally, He will be angry and blaming towards existence as if existence is once again working against Him - when in truth it is working for Him. Existence does not want God to be angry, for anger is destructive and toxic to life and existence. It is toxic when it is expressed, and toxic when it is repressed. Existence is merely provoking God to appear from His hiding place to confront His anger - to see what it is doing, to take responsibility for it, and to clear it. Only by doing this can God end the ‘blame game’ forever.

As you move through this passage, you will find yourself having to throw anger on others. Every moment God is captured by the veil, he is generating toxicity which builds up inside and must eventually be released. Meanwhile, ego is pointing the finger of blame, goading and urging God to release it on this one or that one. All will be perfectly justified – for before God releases such ugliness on another, He will have to be convinced by the anger that doing so is justified – that is, why the other ‘deserves it’. So if you find yourself throwing anger on another, who better to spar with but another angry God?

There is no right way to get through this passage. But one way or another, existence will trigger the anger at the perfect moment in the perfect way for you. God’s pride will be bruised moving through this passage, but with luck, in the end His dignity will remain intact.

Loneliness concerns your relationship with others. Aloneness concerns your relationship with Existence.
Another experience to be aware of in this passage is the sense of aloneness. Aloneness is different from loneliness. Loneliness is part of Soul’s passage. With the clearing of the pain and fear veils, the reuniting of Soul with Spirit that occurs when the veils are cleared, loneliness – the need for some ‘other’ - disappears. The neediness, the loneliness of Soul disappears - for she is no longer alone, needing another to feel complete. She is whole. However, when you are in your God center, particularly in reference to relationships, you feel that you need no one. God is the place where we feel completely self-sufficient. Loneliness concerns your relationship with others. Aloneness concerns your relationship with Existence. In the passage through God’s awakening, you cannot escape the aloneness of God.

While the passage through the pain and fear veils seems mechanical, watching layer after layer of uncomfortable sensations, the passage through the anger veil is more like an awakening. It is God awakening from a long dark night of sleep that has been punctuated by fitful dreams. Now He is slowly coming back to His senses and sanity.

There is a place in God’s awakening where the cosmic joke is revealed. This is a place where enough of the anger is dissolved, where enough of God is once again conscious - where in an instant God realizes who He is. He knows rather than believes He is God. In that instant, looking into the world clearly for the first time in ages, He sees Himself reflected everywhere. Not only is He God, there is nothing but God in visible creation. He is everywhere, and the special-ness that was God, the belief of God, disappears in an instant of knowing. For if everything is God, everyone is God, then there is nothing special about Him. He becomes as ordinary as a grain of sand. Everything He searched for He already was. The cosmic game of hide and seek is revealed for what it is. The punch line has been delivered and is understood. There will still be anger at this point, but with this realization God has regained his throne and it is just a matter of time before the remaining anger of the veil will be cleared.

Once God is awake enough to know who He is, it is time to focus on the final veil, the veil of the mother – the serpent veil.
Once God is awake enough to know who He is, it is time to focus on the final veil, the veil of the mother – the serpent veil. This final veil is very subtle and mysterious. Like the pain and fear veils, the serpent veil creates a sensation in the physical body. It is a very subtle, deep sensation. Begin to look for it when your anger is triggered. Look in the area across the chest – the breast area. It is a sensation of irritability. This is easier for women than men to detect. Women who experience PMS experience their consciousness slipping into the mother veil – a place where they become irritable, and sensitive to people, energy, vibration, noise, and even light. This experience transcends the physical consequences of pre-menstrual hormonal fluctuations. At its deepest and darkest, you will feel venomous - hence I call this the serpent veil, for the serpent seems to be the perfect symbol for its mysterious unpredictable nature.

For men, this is a difficult veil to detect. It is a feminine veil, and as such is part of the ego denial of the feminine in most males. To find it requires alertness and effort. Just as the Soul and Spirit veils seem connected, one triggering the other, so too the Father and Mother veils are connected. The difference, particularly for those living in more masculine cultures where the mother / feminine is denied, is that Westerners are much more comfortable in the masculine veil of anger – for in the anger, however crazy it makes you, it nonetheless gives the comforting illusion that someone or something is to blame. That is, no matter how irrational you become in anger, the anger offers a logical, rational reason for your anger.

Not so with the mother / serpent veil. The ego developed in the West being masculine, deludes itself that it is logical and rational, even when it is obviously not. Unlike the feminine pain veil, which is apparent to people of both sexes, the feminine mother veil is not. It is the deepest and most hidden veil. Unlike other veils, it does not define a center. In other words the mother veil, the veil of the goddess, does not contain a mother or goddess behind it. It does not define a center. Rather, it defines a circumference (Illustration I). The mother / serpent veil separates you (Soul – Spirit - God) from Existence - the mother goddess ocean of consciousness.

The mother / serpent veil separates you (Soul – Spirit - God) from Existence - the mother goddess ocean of consciousness.
Unlike the other veils, which are easily recognizable and labeled – who could not recognize pain, fear or anger – the mother veil has no such clear or defined label or attribute. As I mentioned, this veil produces a physical sensation and requires detached watching to clear it. By the time God becomes aware of it, He is also sufficiently clear to watch it, and it does require the power of God to clear it. Spirit and/ or God can clear the fear and pain veils, but only the power of God can clear the mother veil.

When the anger veil is triggered, and God is sufficiently awake to not be distracted by where the anger is pointing, He should begin to look across the breast area for a deep subtle sensation of irritability. Once found, do not let go of it. Watch it closely, for it will move and seemingly change form. It appears to be dull, not sharp like the sensations of pain and fear.

Unlike the other veils, which are easily recognizable and labeled – who could not recognize pain, fear or anger – the mother veil has no such clear or defined label or attribute.
Entering the veil you experience a feeling of irritability. But as you move deeper, this sensation can become dull and heavy – a feeling of heaviness that didn’t entirely lift with the clearing of the pain veil. At times it will seem as though you missed part of the pain veil. This will not be pain – it will be more the fragrance of pain than pain itself. At times the sensation will remind you of the fear veil. This will not be fear – it will be more the fragrance of fear than fear itself. For this is the mother veil – the mother of all veils, and it contains within it, the seeds of the other veils. When you wonder if you are encountering parts of the fear and pain veils that were missed, you are not. You are encountering the seeds of the pain and fear veils.

The sensation will initially move across the breast area. At times it will seem to deepen, as though you are following roots that are spiraling deep inside. Keep watching. At other times, it will seem to move up or down in the center of the chest. Keep watching. This veil comes and goes in waves, like the pain and fear veils. As you clear it you become familiar with it, and God discovers something curious. Before He erupts in anger, He will first experience the sensation that another veil is present. Unbeknownst to Him, before the anger veil is triggered, the mother / serpent veil has already been triggered, and to be aware of the mother veil and watch it when it appears, is to further weaken and undermine the power of the anger veil over God.

God is now working at the deepest level, in the birthplace of anger. The mother /serpent veil is a grueling, tedious, mysterious veil. All God needs to do is stay alert, and watch it when it is present. As He watches this veil, more and more anger will dissipate. When anger does appear, it does not linger like before, but disappears suddenly, leaving God laughing at the ridiculousness of it. Though anger is still present, it no longer controls or possesses Him. The king has returned to his throne.

By the time you encounter the serpent veil, you are basically awake and in God consciousness. While perhaps not complete, a process of integration of Soul, Spirit and God will be occurring, and can be assisted by asking yourself the following questions: “Do I trust the God within? Do I love the God within?” These questions will trigger Spirit’s awareness that he might still be trusting outside gods, rather than the God within. They will trigger Soul’s awareness that the God within, who has blamed her for so long, is now transformed. Her love now automatically flows towards Him, facilitating the Soul’s integration back into God, even as Spirit’s trust re-integrates him back into God.

As this final veil of separation appears, it will basically be one God, one unified consciousness that begins to perceive it. In the East, this place on the journey is called samadhi with seed. You are awake, there is still a subtle sense of “I”, and bliss and peace remain elusive. You are awake, with the seed of the ego illusion remaining to be cleared. One can get stuck here, for you are awake, and know it. But if you remain here, you will find yourself subject to occasional flare-ups of anger, as well as continuing disturbances to your peace, seemingly coming from others.

In clearing this veil, as in clearing all the veils, expect to be discouraged at times, for the process will seem endless. It is not. Know that you are close to the end when the sensation becomes focused in the center of your chest, no longer moving about up and down. Then you are close. Just keep watching.

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